That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
