the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
