oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
