who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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