Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
