3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
