i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
