I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Randomize
