I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
