he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
