I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
