ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
