Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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