He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
