You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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