No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
