Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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