I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
