She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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