I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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