He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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