are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize