I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
