I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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