Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
