Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
