I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
