We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
