Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
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Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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