then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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