Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
zippers are such a cool invention
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
