I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
