so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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