Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
