I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
