His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
