Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize