I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
