PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
