I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
