If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
