K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
