dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drake has all the answers
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
