I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
