i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
