So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
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stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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