I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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