allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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