What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
