he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
