Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
