The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
