I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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