the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
