My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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