i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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