i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
