no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
