She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
