Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
