You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
