Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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