Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
