And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
