it wasn't lemon gatorade
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
