she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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