I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
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