everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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