my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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