Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
