If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
