operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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