Are we in a gay sports bar?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
