Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
