Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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