i think my tv is drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
